Just another story for grown-ups

Before Marshall and Nadine Noker had children, the couple decided they would never lie to them.

About anything.

So they told their children that Christmas was about the birth of Christ.

They also told them that many people believe in a jolly old man named Santa. A man who each Christmas brings toys to good girls and boys around the world.

The Nokers told their children not to ruin the magic for those who believe.

“It wasn't our job to take away their hopes and dreams,” Marshall Noker said they told their kids.

It worked for this La Vista family. In fact, now that the six Noker children are older (ages 13-25), they realize the gift their parents gave them.

“They have thanked us,” Marshall said, “for building a trust with them that began while they were very young.”

But for many families, Santa is a tradition and a rite of passage. He's a part of Christmas just like — and in some households more than — baby Jesus and Grandma.

Santa brings presents and stuffs stockings. Case closed.

What's a parent to do, though, when kids at school or in the neighborhood start offering a different version of where the gifts come from? Is there a right way to answer the Santa question?

Local child psychologists agree: Don't initiate the conversation. Wait until your child asks.

And when they do — usually around 8 or 9 years old — try responding with: “What do you think?”

Depending on their answer, go ahead and tell them they're right, said Bill Warzak, professor of psychology at the University of Nebraska Medical Center's Munroe-Meyer Institute.

Learning the truth is inevitable, Warzak said, even if kids — and some adults — choose to continue to believe in the magic of Santa.

Sara Todd of Omaha remembers questioning the Santa story when she was young. Her mom said if she didn't believe, she wouldn't get any Christmas gifts.

“To this day, I still believe in Santa,” said Todd, who is married with two young children.

Either way, Warzak said, believing — or not believing — in Santa is perfectly fine.

“We don't have people who commit weird twisted crimes,” he said, “who then say it's because my parents told me Santa's not real. If resolving the Santa crisis is the biggest crisis in childhood, then all children will be eternally happy.”

Sean Akers, a clinical psychologist with Children's Behavioral Health, said his kids first started asking about the Tooth Fairy rather than Santa.

So the family talked about it.

“As soon as they made that connection (between the Tooth Fairy, Santa and the Easter Bunny),” Akers said, “it was all over.”

It's common in our culture to promote these characters to kids, he said. The key is to tell the truth when kids start asking, or risk losing credibility.

Those questions often start when kids have moved into a higher developmental stage and are starting to understand more about reality and fantasy, Akers said.

That said, steer clear of a harsh reality check. Even if money is tight because a parent is out of work, keep that to yourself, he advised.

“The risk you have is kids start feeling like it's their responsibility to help,” he said. “They're not going to get it the same way we do.”

What about a first- or second-grader whose older brother just told her to stop believing?

Like Sara Todd's mom did, consider using the line, “If you don't believe, you don't receive,” said Connie Schnoes, a mother of six and a child and family psychologist affiliated with Boys Town.

That's what happens in her household. If you don't believe in Santa, you won't get any gifts — from him, at least.

Christmas isn't just about receiving gifts, though. Many families use the holiday to teach about their faith and the importance of charity and love.

Santa can help teach kindness in the form of gifts for others.

“In the end, parents have to decide how they want that message to be conveyed and how they're going to teach it,” Schnoes said. “Is there more to this than a cartoon character? Is it about what we believe in?”