Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in the World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.
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Iowa Gov. Terry Branstad just called for making Iowa the healthiest state in the nation. Then he rushed off to get in line for the fried oreo and bacon sandwiches at the Iowa state fair.
Iowans take their state fairs seriously. The Iowa fair opens on Thursday and I believe runs through mid-February.
A Dutch family on vacation in New Hampshire had their outdoor Monopoly game interrupted by a rampaging black bear. Where was this rampaging black bear when I got caught in some seven-hour Monopoly marathons? I could've used him.
The World-Herald is reporting that parts of Interstate 80 in eastern Nebraska will be closed part of this weekend. Sounds like Bo Pelini is getting desperate to keep Bubba Starling in town.
I hope your day is going better than mine. I spent the morning digging through my garbage cans searching for the Omaha Nighthawks season tickets I threw out a couple weeks ago.
President Obama is going to embark on a bus tour of the Midwest. If any loose change is found under the bus seat cushions, it'll be the biggest thing Obama has done to stimulate the economy.
When I heard the Leader of the Free World was going to embark on a tour of the Midwest, I said, "Jim Delany is coming here?"
On Saturday, flights were delayed after a "suspicious item" was found at Eppley — it was a piece of passenger carry on luggage smaller than a piano case.
On Tuesday, SWAT teams in Omaha launched a large-scale operation aimed at arresting people with illegal guns. Concussion grenades were set off. This being Omaha, neighbors pulled up lawn chairs thinking it was another fireworks show.
The goal of the operation: ridding the community of felons. No word yet on the economic impact this will have on stores selling Oakland Raiders gear.
Fed Chief Ben Bernanke announced that interest rates will stay near zero through mid-2013. Not good news for savers. I just had a CD mature. The bank had me in for coffee and a doughnut. I said, "What do I get if I keep my CD open?" They said, "You're looking at it."
The NRA is suing the Obama Administration. Obama thinks the Tea Party was obstinate and stubborn so its nice to see he's now squaring off with the most conciliatory group in the world.
Good news and bad news for Iowa. The good news - another candidate with Iowa ties has jumped into the presidential race. The bad news - it's Roseanne Barr.
Roseanne Barr announced she's running for president. Don't laugh. She's already 11 points ahead of Rick Santorum.
A hot air balloon made a forced landing along the Massachusetts Turnpike. Motorists were standing besides their cars, stunned and slack jawed. Similar thing happened in Omaha - motorists standing slack jawed. A public works department employee had just filled in a pothole.
For the first time people in Cuba are able to buy homes. Maybe if the banks ease up on their lending requirements one day we'll see that again in this country.
The new body scanners at the Sydney, Australia, airport are set off by sweaty armpits. Well, I guess we won't be seeing too many European tourists Down Under.
An estimated 45,000 Verizon workers are on strike because they're unhappy with their contract. There's just something about seeing cell phone employees tied to a bad long-term contract that makes me feel warm all over.
I knew Verizon workers were on strike when I got through an entire dinner without the phone ringing.
The Cargill company has recalled 35 million pounds of ground turkey. This is enough turkey to feed a family of four on Thanksgiving.
It appears that the mystery of D.B. Cooper may have been solved. Now we can move on to the second biggest unsolved mystery - how does Matt Millen keep getting NFL analyst jobs.
Prince William and Catherine have been wearing matching outfits in public. OK, maybe the Brits do have a reason to riot.
Good news - Joe Paterno won't require surgery and should be out of the hospital today after a player collided with him at practice. Bystanders knew Paterno went down when they heard an automated, "I've fallen and I can't get up. I've fallen and I can't get up."
ESPN's Merril Hoge is arguing that Tim Tebow is more famous than his accomplishments merit. This phenomenon is sometimes called Kardashian-itis.
The siblings who may've robbed a bank in Georgia are believed to be in Colorado. This is their new strategy for going unseen - hang out at Colorado football media day.
The Husker football team photo is going to be taken. This is not a good omen - Bubba Starling plans to wear a Kansas City Royals uniform.
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