Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I met three years ago. He was separated from his wife of 20 years after he found out she was cheating on him. Their divorce was final six months later. "Lawrence" is a lot older. I am 28, and he is 50.
His ex has caused nothing but problems for us, so naturally, I don't much care for her. This past year, however, Lawrence has been going over to her house under the pretense of seeing his grandchildren. There are also a lot of phone calls and text messages between the two of them.
I don't like this one bit, but Lawrence has made it clear that if I can't deal with her, our relationship is over. I love him very much, but why is it OK for him to hang out with his ex-wife, but if I so much as talk to a male friend, he becomes angry? How do I compete with a 20-year relationship? He insists they are just friends, and he only goes to her place when the grandchildren are there. But I have a gut feeling that he is not telling me everything.
So, my question is, do I simply deal with this, or do I put my foot down and give him an ultimatum?
Stressed About the Ex
Dear Stressed: We think Lawrence is still interested in his ex-wife. If this were solely about the grandchildren, he could arrange to see them without going to her home. Instead, he made it clear that his need to see her takes precedence over his relationship with you. If you give him an ultimatum, you will lose him — but at this point, that may be the better choice.
Dear Annie: Please tell "Not Dutiful Much Longer," and others who struggle to deal with an elderly relative who behaves in a nasty manner, that a simple antidepressant can make a big difference. It can make the relative feel better, and life can be more pleasant for her and for people around her.
A Psychologist Who Knows
Dear Psychologist: It is true that an antidepressant or antianxiety medication can be tremendously beneficial for some people, but unfortunately, not all of them are willing to try.
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